On the last Wednesday of 2004, Andy was the man who windss the 2 milimetre elastic bands around Margaret Thatcher's golf balls with a food mixer in Kilburn.
On Wednesday 22nd December, Phelim McDermott was the man who uses a shoe horn to make a Ferrero Rocher pyramid fo the Ambassador's ball in Bognor Regis.
On Sunday December 19th, Neil was the fire setter woman who cuts Terry's Chocolate Oranges into segments with a chainsaw as Christmas presents for awkward teenagers.
On Wednesday December 15th, Stephen Frost was the man who uses a cocktail stick to put the cherries on the Bakewell Tarts in Lichtenstein.
On Sunday December 12th, Andy was the man who measures the intensity of the glint in the beetroot picker's eye in Outer Mongolia.
On Sunday 28th November, Suki Webster was the person who hand washes professional wrestlers' leotards with her teeth in Asda's own brand washing powder at the Sydney Opera House.
On Wednesday 24th November, Stephen Frost was the man who breeds hairy tortoises to test roller coasters in Botswana on St Patrick's Day.
On Sunday November 21st, Neil was the man who uses tweezers to pur the silver foil tab under the flip top lid of tubes of Macleans Frshmint toothpaste in Madagascar.
On Wednesday November 17th, Richard was the man who uses a hammer to tie the shoelaces of the Welsh women's under 19 football team in Kuala Lumpur.
On Sunday November 14th, Andy was the artist who uses a No. 4 large brush to paint chewing gum on the pavements of Bangkok for St. Crispin's wedding anniversary.
On Wednesday November 10th, Richard was the man who puts the packets of Silica into bags of monkey nuts for Elton John on the Hammersmith and City line.
On Sunday November 7th, Paul was the underwater nuclear lightbulb assessor in the Red Sea who uses a traffic cone.
On Wednedsay November 3rd, Neil was the man who uses a Q Tip to play the " bong" ident - composed by Enoch Powell - for Intel Pentium Processors.
On Sunday October 31st, Paul was the man who uses a dead duck to put the individual cardboard sleeves into packets of tights and stockings for the Mecchano Shop in Lima.
On Wednesday October 27th, Richard was the man who uses Jesus to put the red ball made of lead in the kettles made for Buddah Inc in Skegness.
On Sunday October 24th, Paul was the man who matches the false eyeballs for Marilyn Mansun with an alun key in Eritrea.
On Sunday October 17th, Neil wa the man who checks that the Pope's stamps are sticky enough and he does it on the roller coaster on the Isle of Man with an artificial vibrating tongue.
On Wednesday October 13th, Richard was the man who staples the tag to the string and the string to the teabag on Fords' " Bus Driver Blend" Lapsang Souchong tea bags.
On Sunday October 10th, Neil was the man who redirects Pocahontis' ingrowing toenail by using Esdtate Agent jargon.
On Wednedsay October 6th, Andy was the man who writes the sacripts for Telesales - selling Petits Poits - in my Mum's bedroom on Shrove Tuesday.
On Sunday September 3rd, Neil was the man who mines the diamonds in Cardiff that are used in industrial drill bits for drilling for badgers.
On Wednesday September 29th, Lee was Posh Spice's voice coach who trains her by pushing doughnuts at Weight Watchers in Rhyl.
On Sunday September 26th, Paul was the man who uses a missing piece of jigsaw puzzle to make the ends of hot dogs look like arseholes in Tahiti.
On Wednesday 22nd September, Richard was the one armed Malaysian who threads straw laces into Microsoft trainers.
On Sunday September 19th 2004, Neil was the man who uses an egg whisk to teach disinfected kids to be rhinoceros whispereers between a rock and a hard place.
Boys and girls,
Here are a few of the unusual jobs that audiences have suggested for the "Who Am I?" game.
The list runs up to August 1st 2004.
It may continue at a future date.
It may not.
Who knows?
Jim
On Sunday August 1st, Andy was the man who gave the teapot - containing seven maggots - to Roy Scheider ( not Scneider, stupid man at the back) to use as bait for Jaws.
On Wednesday July 27th, Lee was the man who wakes the early bird that catches the worm that designs Driving Test Theory Centre.
On Sunday July 25th at The Comedy Store, Suki Webster used a blow torch to make the latex elephant costumes for the bouncers at the Houses of Parliament.
On July 25th at Regent's Park Open Air Theatre, Richard was the air conditioning salesman who was also a comic book hero with trick cycling superpowers..
On Wednesday July 20th, Lee was the man who decides which font to use on the "Fuck You" slogan on the cocktail umberellas in the Iced Tea on Space Stations.
On Sunday July 18th, Richard was the salesman for Microsoft toothpicks that are made from glue and sold in the Iranian Embssy in Turkey.
On Tuesday July 13th at the Newbury Corn Exchange, Steve Steen was the man who uses spaghetti to paint the faces of the Boy Scouts at the Royal Tournament on Shrove Tuesday.
On Sunday July 11th, Lee was the transvestite with the bad hairdo who hates football and hunts for moles for Elton John.
On Wednesday July 7th, Neil was the man who lubricates the revolvong room at the BT Tower using James Brown's sweat which he applies with a duck bill.
On Sunday July 4th, Suki Webster was th person who puts the aluminium foil centre in the £2 coin that commemorates Tim Henman winning at Wimbledon .
On Wednesday June 30th, Andy was the man who shaves the spy dogs who sniff for drugs at Luton Airport and makes the look like Koalas.
On Sunday June 27th, Suki Webster was the person who fits the duct caps on the tyres of the tractors at Aberystwyth Hospital with a turkey on June 27th.
On Wednesday June 23rd, Lee was the man in the vestry who checks the grammar in Karl Marx's "Thought For The Day" on the 204 sheet toilet roll.
On Sunday July 20th, Paul was the man who replaces the vandalised net with a fishnet stocking at the public tennis court on the Sea of Tranquility.
On Wednesday June 16th, Lee was the man who makes the extra large, rubber hats in a strip club for the dinner ladies at Eaton.
On Wednesday June 9th, Andy was the man who puts the eleven holes in the top of the 10 kilogram salt cellar with the worm from a Mescal bottle for the King of Mexico.
On Monday June 7th at Shakespeare's Globe, Lee was the man who takes notes in Aramaic for the elephant lonely hearts column in the Economist.
On Sunday June 6th, Richard was the man who cuts the grooves in wellington boots for C&A with a baked bean whilst wearing a pair of trousers with a Tippex design.
On Wednesday June 2nd. Neil was the man who names Vanessa Feltz's footstool "Disposable Lighter" for IKEA.
On Sunday 30th May, Paul was the man who - using a protracter and a toreque wrench - decideds when baby sweetcorn aren't at General Elections.
On Wednesday May 26th, Neil was the clown dominatrix who dusts the sand off the pyramid called George on Christmas Day.
On Sunday May 23rd, Richard was the gremlin under the counter at Tesco's in the Old Kent Road who uses a potato masher to make the beeping noise when A4 lined paper in passed over the bar code machine.
On Wednesday May 19th, Neil tested budgie batteries with a garlic press in the lion's empty cage at London Zoo.
On Sunday 16th May, Lee was the foreigner - dressed as Henry V111 - who inevitably dies in the American disaster movie about running out of jelly beans entitled "Snap,Crackle, Pop."
On Sunday May 9th, Suki Webster was the person who was the Captain of an alien invasion fleet, who also typed in the story about the sunny day and the world's biggest parsnip into CEEFAX.
On Wednesday May 5th, Stephen Frost was the man who gets a small child called Terrance to inflate the sugar puff motif with helium for Leeds United Football club on Pancake day.
On Sunday May 2nd, Paul was a traffic warden whose brother was the town planner who paved paradise and put up a parking lot.
On Wednesday April 28th, Lee was the man who takes the blame for the Queen's farts at the garden party on the EastEnders set on St. Psatrick's night.
On Sunday April 25th, Richard was the man who stands in a pond of freshwater eels and splits peas with a toboggan for Skippy the Bush K angaroo.
On Wednesday April 21st, Lee was the man who polished Elizabeth Taylor's diamonds to sharpen Tiger Woods' golf tees at the Arctic Open.
On Sunday April 18th, Andy was the man who works for Johnson and Johnson as a distribution agent who usec a thimble and fork to distribute microscopic Wagon Wheels in Azerbaijan.
On Wednesday April 14th, Lee was the man who sniffs Dalmatians' armpits to check if their deodorant is working for the ping pong tournament in the Arctic Circle.
On Sunday April 11th, Neil was the man who squeezes mushy peas from Mozart's foam microphone cover into a rabbit jeely mould on Pancake Day
On Wednesday April 7th, Lee was the water balloon manufacturer who built a green trampoline - the size of California - for Winston Churchill.
On Sunday April 4th, Andy was the top screwer on-er for Dali toothpaste who polishes dolphins with peppercorn sauce in Grimsby.
On Wednesday March 31st, Andy was the man - who you never see - who uses his tongue to put up the pink letters that spell " The Passion of the Christ" outside a cinema in Iceland.
On Sunday 28th March, Richard was the man who buries dinosaur bones for paleontologists under puddles with rainbows caused by oil drops in the water.
On Wednesday 24th, someone was the person who paints "pint" onto pint glasses using a brush with bristles made from Donald Trump's hair, and he does it on a punctured bouncy castle in Norfolk.
On Sunday Marcg 21st, Paul was the man who tunes the 187 air guitars that are played in the front two rows of a Status Quo concert in North West Equatial Guinea.
On St. Patrick's Day, Neil was the man who puts holes in the bootom of "Shop 'n Go" plastic bags with nail clippers in Lichtenstein.
On Sunday March 14th, Lee was the man who donates purple hair for the wig that belongs to the leprechaun who stands outside the Irish pub in Waikiki. ( I formally apologise for any spelling mistakes. Very late. Very drunk.)
On Thursday March 11th in Barbados, Lee was the man who runs "Wotan" solarium for vampires in Nigeria and it is only open on St Swithun's Day.
On Wednesday March 10th, Neil was the man who uses his teeth to can dog food called "Dead Cat" for Tibetan Spaniels in Kosovo.
On Sunday March 7th, Paul was the man who puts the price code on the ping pong ball in Ghandi's snorkel.
On Wednesday March 3rd, Lee was Princess Anne's dog walker who cleans the windows at the Russian Embassy with steel wool and milk.
On Sunday February 29th, Richard was the man who places the pile of two rocks on top of the mountains in the Hefelumpia mountain range in Peckham and he uses a jelly finger.
On Wednesday February 25th, Suki was the guide at a Norwegian treacle - can museum and the treacle comes from Sweeden by post.
On Wednesday February 19th at the British Council in Delhi, Paul was the man who makes snow flakes from bath bubbles with a hammer for Madonna on Labour Day.
On Tuesday February 18th in Delhi, Lee was the man who puts the grip on the golf clubs used by the Maharajah after he has cleaned his fingernails with a golf tee.
On Mondya February 17th in Delhi, Suki was the captain of the polo team in Yokohama and vet specialising in gnat tooth decay.
On Sunday February 16th in Mumbai/Bombay, Paul made the glue for the labels for Infosys cheese in Lithuania.
On Saturday February 15th in Mumbai/Bombay, Lee was the call centre operator in Bangalore for a Yugoslavian phone sex line called "Quickie".
On Friday February 14th in Mumbai/Bombay, Paul uncrumples the empty crumpled plastic water bottles with a cotton bud for " Uncrunplers Ltd."
On Thursday February 13th in Bangalore, Suki stroked pregnant worms on their tongue in Alaska.
On Wednesday February 12th in Bangalore, Paul was the man who stuffs the three and a half Euro bribe into the suitcase of the Minister for Flea Circuses.
On Tuesday 11th February in Bangalore, Lee was the man who cleans Adolf Hitler's elephant with a tothbrush for Valentine's Day - the elephant's name is Tony Blair.
On Sunday February 8th, Lee was the man who drove the 100 ton poo truck in Auckland while whistling "Insania" by Peter Andre.
On Wednesday February 4th, Lee was Mr. Kipling's friend who narrates the commercial - shot in Grimsby - for Mr Kipling's molecular size crab cakes.
On Sunday February 1st, Lee was the Blue Peter set designer who seperates the men from the boys with the toe block from a ballet dancer's shoe.
On Wednesday January 28th, Richard was the taster of the 400 gallon tubs of beetroot, vodka and linseed oil coleslaw in Leeds.
On Sunday 25th January, Andy was the part time rickshaw mechanic who designed the " A Team" ring tone for the MacDonalds mobile phone.
On Wednesday January 21st, Phelim was the man who resets the apple coloured pins with a butter curler at the 25 pin bowling alley in Iowa.
On Sunday January 18th, Lee was the man who sews the yellow thread - using a banana - into the tongue of the size 61/2 " Barry" Doc Martens.
On Wednesday January 14th, Andy was the man who makes and puts the plastic blob in the middle of the bottom of the 250ml plastic glasses at Accrington Stanley Football Club.
On Sunday January 11th, Neil was the guy who gives you the hangover after you have had 12 Bloody Marys in Harry's Bar in Venice.
On Wednesday January 7th, Josie was the person who runs the two by four box cutting machune in the basement of the National Library of Wales and the box carried copies of "How To Cook Scottish Mussels."
At the first show of 2004, Richard was the Witchfinder General who uses a toothpick to test Morris Dancers in Barrow in Furness by making them suck eggs.
Click for
*Who Were They in 2003?*
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